As the weeks go by and the time gets closer to start the prep work for IVF the more I feel the butterflies swarming in my stomach. At this point I am feeling several different emotions but I am mostly excited. I am excited that this might finally be it! All of the tears will have been worth it to finally hold my baby. I have such a good feeling about this! I truly believe God will give us our miracle!
I must admit though, in the back of my mind I can't help but ask what if? What if we go through this and it just wasn't meant to be? How am I going to handle not getting pregnant or even worse another miscarriage? What would be our next step? So many questions that I do not have answers to yet. I am trying my very best to push these thoughts out of my head but at the same time I feel that I need to keep my guard up to protect myself from the hurt and disappointment. Aghhh, the suspense of not knowing is killing me!
Patience is not my strongest trait and as much as the suspense of not knowing is killing me, I have come to the conclusion that worrying is not going to help me get our baby. I have to give my worries to God. I have prayed faithfully for our baby and I just have to trust that he will deliver. I have to trust his plan for our life.